Please Stop Making Me Check Ballot Returns.

Ballot counters

Please stop making me check ballot returns. Please. I beg of you.

I am bleary. I haven’t slept in four days. My clothes reek of stale fear sweat. They smell like rancid turkey grease.

I know all the ballot margins in outstanding states as of four seconds ago. My fingers are tired of up-scrolling my Twitter feed. I know how many ballots dropped from Maricopa…